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tommo11
Team Manager



Indonesia
2085 Posts
joined 12 Dec 09

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Posted - 06 Mar 2019 :  19:41:09  Show Profile  Visit tommo11's Homepage Send tommo11 a Private Message  Reply with Quote Copy this URL to Link to this Reply
SUPER MASSIVE IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT!!!!?!?!???!!



Hi I already forgot the name of my team. I'm sure it was awesome though because I am a creative genius.

I have no cars, no designs, no actual sponsors and absolutely no idea what I am doing.

I also took the "throwing darts blindfolded" approach in picking my drivers.

Beat that.

triggered snowflake xox

Edited by - tommo11 on 06 Mar 2019 19:44:44
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Esurientes
Transporter Driver



Australia
86 Posts
joined 21 Feb 13

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Posted - 12 Mar 2019 :  03:07:22  Show Profile Send Esurientes a Private Message  Reply with Quote Copy this URL to Link to this Reply


We are thrilled to announce the signing of a naming rights sponsor for the season here at Esurientes Autosports,
with Logitech coming onboard and therefore updating the Team name, Logitech ZillaLife Autosports.

We have completely refreshed the Logitech ZillaLife GTRs livery, as you can see by the shots Included Below!

Nvidia have also joined us as a Major Partner, along with Samsung, Castrol EDGE Oils, and Need For Speed by EA Games.

We Look forward to a successful season, see you at the Grand Prix!











My V8 Supercar Fandom Career Highlights
- Was at the mountain to be called an asshole by one of the greatest.
- Have been present at the finish line for every Supercar race Michael Caruso has ever won.
- Had grandstand seats at the Senna Chicane to see Bright do cartwheels.
- Managed to find Hidden Valley every June since 1998.

Edited by - Esurientes on 12 Mar 2019 19:58:51
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skaifeman
Team Manager



Australia
6911 Posts
joined 01 Aug 09

 offline

Posted - 12 Mar 2019 :  17:27:51  Show Profile Send skaifeman a Private Message  Reply with Quote Copy this URL to Link to this Reply
We've all been done by the width Esurientes, life on V8C can sometimes seem a little 90's-ish.
If you happen to find a code that constrains everything to 800 wide let me know, I've been purposely resizing images for years now!
Get it resized and give us a look.

Anyway... ummmm... back onto media... I might bastardise my Commodore this weekend for some better aero.


"Ford’s Bathurst winning bonus didn’t even cover the cost of the after-party" - Allan Moffat, 1977
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SportsExtra_Motorsport
V8 Champion



New Zealand
902 Posts
joined 29 Nov 08

 offline

Posted - 18 Mar 2019 :  13:21:34  Show Profile  Visit SportsExtra_Motorsport's Homepage  Click to see SportsExtra_Motorsport's MSN Messenger address Send SportsExtra_Motorsport a Private Message  Reply with Quote Copy this URL to Link to this Reply
Team Kayo goes red and black for Saturday and Sunday


https://givealittle.co.nz/cause/christchurch-shooting-victims-fund


Kayo Sports Team Nissan 151 during Thursday's qualifying

Heavy hearts set in at Kayo Sports Team Nissan 151 during Friday afternoon of the Melbourne 400 after learning of the terrorist attack in the teams home city of Christchurch.

With much of the team from New Zealand and lead driver Scott McLaughlin and team principal Andy Johns both from Christchurch a decision in conjunction with Foxtel to re-paint the cars red and black

the new look Kayo Sports Team Nissan 151 will debut Saturday morning for the 70km sprint race and remain on the vehicle all weekend. Silver Ferns will also be present as with the rest of the field.

Melbourne Saturday/Sunday Livery


Round 03/04 Tasmania (RedBus)/Phillip Island (Kayo)







Edited by - SportsExtra_Motorsport on 19 Apr 2019 00:05:31
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mikeamerica84
V8 Champion



USA
1122 Posts
joined 11 Jan 08

 offline

Posted - 30 Mar 2019 :  04:46:42  Show Profile Send mikeamerica84 a Private Message  Reply with Quote Copy this URL to Link to this Reply

R&K Motorsports




Gorokan, NSW – After two rounds of the 2019 season, our Yank team based out of New South Wales currently sits dead last in the table. To rub salt in the wounds, the team was also completely thrashed at the AGP in the Tournament.

This called for an emergency board meeting by the Yellow Group:





“Gentlemen apes, we need to right this ship immediately.”





“I say we can that Stanaway bum! Better YET - Let’s get some of our boys to chew his face off! That usually gets the humans’ attention.
Try picking up a good looking girl in a bar when you don’t have a forehead anymore!”






“Now, now. No one is going to chew anyone’s face off. Mike wants to hang onto Stanaway for awhile.
Besides, we made some big team changes this week. At the LEAST we won’t be blown out again like at the AGP.”



Meanwhile, the patience of R&K Chiquita fans is getting stretched to the limit:




“This sucks. Let’s let the kids keep watching down here and we can go upstairs, ma. I’d rather have sex with a chimp than watch this mess.”





“Leave me alone! I’d rather triple bogey every hole than watch racing this year!”





These golfing blokes seemed totally oblivious to the current R&K state of affairs.





“I’m heading out to sea. Only a long cruise can calm my nerves anymore. Bon voyage, you landlubber racing saps.”


Yellow Group negotiators are still taking strides to possibly line up a new driver and crew:




“Stanaway. That’s right. S-T-A-N-A-W-A-Y. He’d make a good banana picker. We’ll even throw in a bag of shop towels.”





“We’d like to trade you Stanaway for Whincup.”





“Well…. f*** you, too, mate……”




On to Tasmania we will go with our new, shaken-up lineup.

The V8CFL - Without fantasy, life is simply life
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CP
Safety Car Pilot



Australia
11163 Posts
joined 22 Jan 09

 offline

Posted - 19 Apr 2019 :  13:17:00  Show Profile  Visit CP's Homepage Send CP a Private Message  Reply with Quote Copy this URL to Link to this Reply
Results for 7-Eleven Mobil 1 Racing

Round 1 - Superloop ADL 500 - Adelaide Parklands Circuit - Adelaide, South Australia
Race 1

Pos 16 - #711 - 7-Eleven/Mobil 1 - Todd Hazelwood - Ford Mustang

Race 2
Pos 18 - #711 - 7-Eleven/Mobil 1 - Todd Hazelwood - Ford Mustang

Round 2 - Beaurepaires Melbourne 400 - Albert Park Street Circuit - Melbourne, Victoria
Race 1

Pos 16 - #711 - 7-Eleven/Mobil 1 - Todd Hazelwood - Ford Mustang

Race 2
Pos 16 - #711 - 7-Eleven/Mobil 1 - Todd Hazelwood - Ford Mustang

Race 3
Pos 8 - #711 - 7-Eleven/Mobil 1 - Todd Hazelwood - Ford Mustang

Race 4
Pos 17 - #711 - 7-Eleven/Mobil 1 - Todd Hazelwood - Ford Mustang

Round 3 - Tyrepower Tasmania SuperSprint - Symmons Plains Raceway - Launceston, Tasmania
Race 1

Pos 5 - #711 - 7-Eleven/Mobil 1 - Todd Hazelwood - Ford Mustang

Race 2
Pos 16 - #711 - 7-Eleven/Mobil 1 - Todd Hazelwood - Ford Mustang

Round 4 - WD40 Phillip Island SuperSprint - Phillip Island Grand Prix Circuit - Phillip Island, Victoria
Race 1

Pos 3 - #711 - 7-Eleven/Mobil 1 - Todd Hazelwood - Ford Mustang

Race 2
Pos 14 - #711 - 7-Eleven/Mobil 1 - Todd Hazelwood - Ford Mustang

Edited by - CP on 19 Apr 2019 13:19:36
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mikeamerica84
V8 Champion



USA
1122 Posts
joined 11 Jan 08

 offline

Posted - 23 Apr 2019 :  15:38:39  Show Profile Send mikeamerica84 a Private Message  Reply with Quote Copy this URL to Link to this Reply

R&K Motorsports




Gorokan, NSW - With a win in Race 2 at Symmons Plains preceded by a third place finish, the corporate headquarters at R&K Chiquita Motorsports was running on full throttle afterwards, not to mention the vibrations coming from the peaceful shores of the Shelly Beach race shop permeating across the land as our Yank based team secured their thirteenth race win of the current/modern era in the V8CFL.




“I watched the weekend flag to flag! Me and my chimp mates were going wild! Some are still up in the trees outside my house! The human neighbors are threatening to call the cops! Worse yet - they are crapping all over my driveway from the trees!”




“That Stanaway guy is a top shelf bloke! I knew it all along! I TOLD you! The best Aussie racer EVER!”









“But you wanted to have his face chewed off a few weeks ago.”




“He’s not Australian, either. He is from New Zealand. I think they call them guys Kiwis.”




“Ahhh… who the hell cares, gentlemen apes? You don’t see me flying off the handle when someone refers to me as being from ‘Africa’. I never correct them. I am specifically from Uganda – the EAST side. Same damn place.”



Meanwhile, all across New South Wales, R&K Chiquita fans were also celebrating. The pubs and clubs were in full swing.



“…. banging on the bongos like a chim-pan-zee…. Oh, no…... that ain't working... THAT’S the away you do it… money for nothing and your chimps for free…..”




“We are so glad we did not dump cable TV and FOX! Who cares if it costs and arm and a leg! Richie WON!”




“Great. Now he is just going to watch racing for the rest of the year and the lawn will go to hell.”


R&K Chiquita souvenir sales were also at a high:




“I can’t believe these idiots…. I mean…. sales are peaking! We are rolling in the dough!”




These can be ordered on line – with or without the shirts. The Arrow has already purchased THREE of them!



Marketing in grocery stores has also seen a huge uptick:



“Don’t let my pigeon-toed stance fool you. I have an extremely strong neck.”



Motorhead and body shop fans are also coming into the fold:



“Don’t laugh, mate. You’d be surprised how many babes are attracted to a car shaped like this. Want to watch me ‘peel out’?”




“I’m packed and ready to go to Barbagallo! I’ve never been out west before. They still have Swan Lager? My grandpa told me about drinking that.”




“Wow, they WON. And I thought Donald Trump winning was an upset.”



As we head to Perth, have a banana daiquiri on us…..




…. and party on.






Money for nothing…….. chimps for free…..

(keep repeating it - admit it, you like the vibe)




THAT'S THE WAY YOU DO IT!


The V8CFL - Without fantasy, life is simply life

Edited by - mikeamerica84 on 28 Apr 2019 13:17:32
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Helix
Pit Crew



Australia
203 Posts
joined 09 Dec 07

 offline

Posted - 10 May 2019 :  15:56:43  Show Profile Send Helix a Private Message  Reply with Quote Copy this URL to Link to this Reply
With 4th and a 3rd place finish in the latest round in Perth Shogun Autosport has catapulted to the top of the 2019 V8SFL.

CEO Helix couldn't be happier running around the workshop like a headless chook, and then stopping for a second to praise the hard work and dedication of his team.

New recruit Fabian Coulthard was given special mention as a rejuvenating figure around the team since coming on board.

Andre will find his feet within the team soon Helix was heard saying.

Winton poses new challenges for the clipped mustang but u can bet ur nelly we will be there fighting for the win.

2017 V8 Fantasy league series champion

2018 Enduro Cup Champions: Shogun Autosport / Helix and TGI Racing / Professor
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mikeamerica84
V8 Champion



USA
1122 Posts
joined 11 Jan 08

 offline

Posted - 29 May 2019 :  11:35:14  Show Profile Send mikeamerica84 a Private Message  Reply with Quote Copy this URL to Link to this Reply

R&K Motorsports




Pither Outstanding in Substitute Role!



Gorokan, NSW - The Winton round of this past weekend saw our NSW Yank camp have some interesting moments.

In Race 1, Richie Stanaway, driving with an extremely sore neck, managed a 12th place finish, despite a slightly unwarranted penalty for contact with another car. However, as the Kiwi exited his car post race, it was evident that his injury would prevent him from competing in Race 2.

"Richie gave it a hell of a run," commented Team Principal Mike. "That's why we hired him for this year. He never gives up."

He continued, "But, we'll have to set him aside for Race 2. We have Chris Pither on tether and he will be at the keyboard of the 084 Chiquita Mustang."

What happened next was absolutely astounding. Not only did fellow Kiwi Pither FINISH, he brought the car home fourth, for the team's third Top 5 of the year, moving them to 13th overall in the table.


"I'm stoked," chirped a joyous Pither as he shook hands with all of the crew post race in the garage.
"I am thankful Mike gave me this opportunity. Unfortunately it was at Richie's expense, but I really do hope he comes back by Darwin."



The press then assaulted Mike with multiple questions concerning Stanaway's injury.

"How bad is it?"

"Can he move his legs?"

"Is he on life support?"

"Now, boys," replied Mike, "Richie just tweaked his neck. He'll be fine. He just needs a little rest."

"How did he do it?" asked one reporter.




"Well," said Mike, "We embarked on a publicity tour of Victoria in our new team bus.
It was quite popular with the fans and the Team Chiquita staff."




"Richie posed for many pics with his fans, along with the Chiquita girls. They wear these huge hats filled with bananas.
Their necks are conditioned for such public relations gigs. Richie started hamming it up, put on a hat and well..... one thing lead to another...."


+

+

=





"We heard he got in a bar fight," yelled someone in the crowd. "Mixed it up in a pub with some military blokes on shore leave!"

"Ahhh.... pure nonsense," retorted Mike. "Fake news. You guys are always trying to dig something up when nothing is there. And you call yourselves professionals?"







"I have a picture of the incident! Check it out!" yelled one press member holding up a photo.


"What can you say about THAT?"


"No comment," returned Mike. "We'll see you at Darwin."


The V8CFL - Without fantasy, life is simply life

Edited by - mikeamerica84 on 29 May 2019 19:48:40
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Trickyonne
Sex God



Vatican City
17532 Posts
joined 13 Apr 03

 offline

Posted - 21 Jun 2019 :  07:52:02  Show Profile Send Trickyonne a Private Message  Reply with Quote Copy this URL to Link to this Reply
Scott Morrison Motorsport

" We are moving through the field...can we win ?...YES WE CAN...why ?...WE BELIEVE IN MIRACLES"

Ford 2018 champions
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Zac
Lumberjack



Australia
9780 Posts
joined 24 Dec 04

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Posted - 21 Jun 2019 :  08:53:14  Show Profile Send Zac a Private Message  Reply with Quote Copy this URL to Link to this Reply
"How good is Scott Morrison?"
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TheArrow
formerly known as Spree



Australia
6385 Posts
joined 14 Jan 08

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Posted - 21 Jun 2019 :  20:45:51  Show Profile Send TheArrow a Private Message  Reply with Quote Copy this URL to Link to this Reply
"Good on ya ScoMo!"

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mikeamerica84
V8 Champion



USA
1122 Posts
joined 11 Jan 08

 offline

Posted - 27 Jun 2019 :  01:39:15  Show Profile Send mikeamerica84 a Private Message  Reply with Quote Copy this URL to Link to this Reply

R&K Motorsports




Pither Wins TWO at Hidden Valley – Then Mysteriously Disappears!



Gorokan, NSW – Another GLORIOUS round for our Yank-based team, this time in the Northern Territory where substitute shoe Chris Pither took the R&K Chiquita Motorsports Mustang to victories in both races.




“This is for the gang over at headquarters in the Yellow Room!”


The Yellow Group Headquarters were in full celebration once again:



“We can’t get ANY work out of these guys this week. All they want to do is party and carry on like a bunch of boozers….”




“You can say THAT again, mate. We worked hard to get here and we aim on keeping it that way.”


Fans were in a joyous mood throughout the land…..



….singing with women of all walks of life and species.


Chiquita fans flocked to Hidden Valley to follow their team:



“Boy, it feels like it is 120 degrees in the shade today! I’ll have another cold banana daiquiri!”


Rumours were still going around about Richie Stanaway’s status in the future. Local stand-up comedians got in the act:



“So, Richie’s girlfriend asked him to pick up the pace a little.... romantic-wise. He tried swallowing a Viagra pill but it got stuck in his throat. Now he has a seriously stiff neck!”



“Ha! HAAAA!! This guy is KILLING me!!!!”



Meanwhile, souvenirs are flying off of the shelf throughout Australia and New Zealand.


All at Yellow Group Headquarters are pleased.



Ladies are buying these for beach wear….



….and around the town shopping trips.



Blokes are even getting involved by purchasing these for….. well…. you can figure it out.


Pet owners, too!


“I am going to bite his f-cking hand off the second he puts it in front of my face. This is embarrassing.”



Not to mention their new video game.


All is not truly rosy, though.


“Gentlemen apes, we seem to have a problem. Chris Pither has disappeared once he got back to his hometown in New Zealand.”


They had a huge celebration for him winning both races in Darwin. The Haka dancers were in full stride:





The two on the far left both later admitted they had too much to drink and could not perform as well as usual.


But then these lasses got involved and grabbed Chris for their own purposes:


“The last time anyone saw him he appeared completely exhausted, dehydrated, and lacking proper clothing as he was being carried off into the forest.”



“We need another new driver – again! I say we hire that Simon de Silvestro bloke! You know, the guy who won the Indianapolis 500!”



“First off, he’s a SHE and her name is Simona. She is also under contract with another camp.
The 500 winner is from France and has no desire to come over here right now. Besides, Mike says we are signing Michael Caruso for Townsville.”



“An Italian! GOOD! Should open the door to the Southern European banana market!
We’ll need a super tanker to get all of the cash out of Italy after that! That Mike is a cutting edge thinker!”


On a different note, many R&K Chiquita fans and workers have noted the recent ongoing success of Scott Morrison Motorsports.
Whereas R&K Motorsports has vaulted to fourth in the table, SMM has slowly positioned themselves one step better, in third.


Said success was noted by team sponsor and silent partner, the honorable Scott Morrison and his political marketing team:




The younger, liberal crowd is also getting on the bandwagon.







“This marriage between us and Trickyonne is what all Aussies should aim for. Without him and his V8CFL team, I would have never been re-elected.”




“I tip my glass to his public relations director, Mr. Kyle, for setting this whole season up! Is Kyle around here? I cannot see him. Oh! There he is! Over there, guys!”




“See Kyle! See Kyle! See Kyle!”




We’ll see you all at Townsville, with Caruso, Simon de Silvestro, Simon Pagenaud, or whoever we can get to work for us these days. In the meantime, enjoy a banana or two.


The V8CFL - Without fantasy, life is simply life
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CP
Safety Car Pilot



Australia
11163 Posts
joined 22 Jan 09

 offline

Posted - 01 Jul 2019 :  12:10:01  Show Profile  Visit CP's Homepage Send CP a Private Message  Reply with Quote Copy this URL to Link to this Reply

Half Yearly Report



As the first half of the school year comes to a close, 7 Eleven Mobil 1 Racing have successfully released a media report that coincides nicely with the teams fans families, receiving their little kidlets school reports. 2019 is the first year since 2012 that 7 Eleven Mobil 1 Racing has been in the Ford fold, and with some support from them too.

"We've had mixed results so far" stated star pupil Todd Hazelwood. "This is my second year in this wonderful category and I am enjoying the experience in this team too. Craig can be a bit loose but it's a good outfit."

"Todd is pretty handy on the barbecue," said team owner Craig Paterson. "He comes in very handy too if our usual catering guru doesn't turn up. Not only can he turn a car round, he can turn snags too".

"It hasn't been too bad a year so far, we have had mixed results, but we still have a long way to go in the season".

"We are looking forward to the weirdly scheduled Enduro Cup. Bathurst as the first enduro of the year? That **** ain't right".

With one third, fourth and fifth placing, along with a handful of top 15s, and the team currently sitting 16th in points, what would a half yearly report look like?

"I'd say about a C" said CP. "Middle of the field, could do with some improvement."

"A plus" said Todd. "That teacher should be giving better grades".

7 Eleven Mobil 1 racing would like to thank their valued sponsors 7 Eleven, Slurpee, Mobil 1, Ford Performance, DAF Trucks, JCB, Maximus, Nitto Tyre, Fleetmark and AEG Powertools for their support so far this season.

See you in Townsville.

PS: After being informed by the headmaster about our team leading the Moffat Division of the V8CFL, our half yearly report has been reassessed and team owner Craig Paterson has upgraded the grades to B+.

Edited by - CP on 01 Jul 2019 23:19:04
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mikeamerica84
V8 Champion



USA
1122 Posts
joined 11 Jan 08

 offline

Posted - 21 Aug 2019 :  10:56:40  Show Profile Send mikeamerica84 a Private Message  Reply with Quote Copy this URL to Link to this Reply

R&K Motorsports




Team and Family Members go on Holiday During Break!



Gorokan, NSW – With a month long break in the action prior to the Tailem Bend Round, Yellow Group Headquarters surprised all team members, along with their families, with the news of taking them on an ocean cruise to an island resort.

“I think this is great for team attitude,” commented Team Principal Mike. “These people have been working hard and I am glad the Yellow Group is footing the bill for this.”

Rumour has it Mike will be getting stuck with the bill, but that is to be determined at a later date.





But the holiday started by taking the team bus from the peaceful town of Gorokan to the port of departure in nearby Newcastle.


Got any more beers in that cooler, mate?




The voyage to the island resort then began with calm seas.


"Smell that sea breeze? Now you know why us chimps stay on land!"
(hearty laughter followed)




Most entertainment aboard the vessel was top shelf


“I’m just a gigolo…. Everywhere I go….. People know the paaaart I’m playing….”






“IIIIIIIII love rock and roll! Out another dime in the JUKEbox, baby!”



Once in port and ashore on the ocean island country of Tasmania, the passengers commenced enjoying themselves.


Romances were renewed:






Love was in the air:


“Never mind the flippers, honey, just hang onto that snorkel. You’re going to need it to breathe later when we get back to the cabin.”
(wink wink)



Some ladies shopped for souvenirs:


"Do you like my hat? The kid that sold it to me told me I looked stunning wearing it."



Husbands took to more physical activities to re-live their youth:


"Stick around! I'm gonna hang ten in a few minutes!"




Some blokes just got loaded on the local juice:


“I plan on hanging by my feet after the next drink.”



And some just relaxed:



“Ahhhhhh. This team has it all together. Besides, this is free!"



The cruise back to New South Wales was filled with comedy aboard the liner:


"Here’s my little mate, Skaifey! What do you have to say today that no one wants to hear?"

“I think it’s on for young and old! Did I ever tell you that the Holden Commodore is the greatest race car ever built?
Where’s Larko? I have to make fun of him to hide the fact that he is a much better television personality than me!”





News was then broadcast that Richie Stanaway would return at Tailem Bend, This brought crowds throughout Gorokan to their feet:











Some, however, took the news much differently:



We’ll see you all this weekend at The Bend, where R&K Motorsports picked up a win last year.



The V8CFL - Without fantasy, life is simply life

Edited by - mikeamerica84 on 23 Aug 2019 00:02:11
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